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The useless one.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Suppppp~

School's alright for me with much of laughing again. :) But projects and more work are pilling up. Gosh, I feel so crammed with stuff & i still need to study!

I've got news that my grandma is admitted again. & at that point of time I feel so insecure and lost once again. I wanted to cry but because of Alicia's telling me to not think so much, & seeing Bernard's out of concern questions and buddy's reminders, I controlled and tried to think of something else. I think I won't be able to take the blow if something does happen. It's not like it hasn't happened before. I just feel so useless that I can't help with anything but just watch and be upset.

Im feeling so lost with other matters meddling in me once again. I thought I would be able to continue this happy moment Im having but seems like God is testing me again. Im trying really really hard to control my emotions. Really.. & sometimes, I just feel so hard that I just want to shout and cry everything out. But again, I chose not to. Or maybe, in the dark night, I shall.. which shouldn't be the case because that's not WHAT I WANT and what GOD WANTS. I just feel so far from so many things and Im starting to feel the distance more and more. I hate it, I HATE IT. I want it to stopppppp. I want to stop thinking, I want to stop missing and I want to stop hoping for things that I shouldn't hope. I feel terrible but I know it is finished.

Whatever it is, I don't want to bother much because it gets me into a huge headache. So jiayou everyone. Term tests are coming up in week 6 and it's week 4 now! See ya'll. CCN day coming this friday. & I think I might be joining Hockey or Touch Rugby and if I do join Touch Rugby, Sam, I think I'll see you in competitions soon man! Haha. Cousins fightttt~nono, MIDGETS. :D Ciaosss everyone!

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